Last year I got a new friend in a social network. He added me first, but I hesitated. Because after I looked at his photos and profile, seemed that he is an ordinary guy who has a normal and happy family. Why he wants to be my friend ? So I hesitantly confirmed his friend request. After that I sent him a message that asked him if he wasn't wrong to add me as his friend. But his answer made me suprised, in fact he is a crossdresser. And I was his first crossdresser friend.
His further story continued to surprise me at least a little. Because he is a parish council in his church. He and his wife diligently serve his God. They are activists in their church. Later he even made an account using a female name in that social network and continue to add new crossdresser friends.
Then because of curiosity, I asked him his opinion about crossdressing according to his belief. My question was very simple and maybe too stereotype "Is crossdressing a sin ?". And I said there is a verse in the bible that said about it in Deuteronomy 22:5. He seemed to need some time to think about it and made an answer. After for a while, he said that we can not interpret a verse in the bible a piece by a piece separately. A man is judged by his function and his services in society.
I couldn't reply to his answer. I am younger than him, I am not a parish council in my church. So in my opinion, I surely am not wiser than him. Maybe the verse in the Old Testament was not longer suit with the recent situation. I hope that his opinion was right. Because if not, but even the other way around. Does it like that he is on highway to hell ? So do I.
This article is written in 2 languages : English and Indonesian. Artikel ini ditulis dalam 2 bahasa : Inggris dan Bahasa Indonesia.
English
Some days ago I read about this on my friend's blog. So I like to tell about my own experience about it. My feelings and thoughts that come right after my crossdressing.
My crossdressing has been happened to me for decades. It happened to me gradually a little by a little. First I crossdressed with blanket that I wrapped around my waist like a Javanese traditional woman wearing their traditional batik cloth. Then I used batik cloth. After that I began to complete my crossdressing custom with traditional Javanese blouse called kebaya. That time I always ended my crossdressing with masturbation and I feel the same as my friend said in that posting. Guilt, shame, disgust, and feeling dirty come after crossdressing and becomes a weird looking man in a dress.
But after I perfect my crossdressing with makeup that consisted of powder, lipstick, false eyelashes, eyebrow pencil, mascara, eye shadow and wig. I feel different. I don't feel shame, disgust, and feeling dirty come after crossdressing and not becomes a weird looking man in a dress. Sometimes I even don't clean my makeup after I finished my crossdressing, but I just change my dress into my normal ordinary male dress. By that time sometimes I still look my self in the mirror and feel that I still look like a girl or a woman. Sometimes I feel reluctantly to clean up my makeup. I want to enjoy my face as a girl in the mirror as long as it can after the masturbation. So I let my makeup fades and almost disappeared, then I clean up the rest.
Bahasa Indonesia
Beberapa hari yang lalu saya membaca tentang ini di blog teman saya. Jadi saya ingin bercerita tentang pengalaman saya sendiri tentang hal itu. Perasaan dan pikiran saya yang datang tepat setelah crossdressing.
Crossdressing telah terjadi pada saya selama beberapa dekade. Itu terjadi pada saya secara bertahap sedikit demi sedikit. Pertama saya crossdressed dengan selimut yang saya lilit di pinggang seperti wanita tradisional Jawa memakai kain batik tradisional mereka. Kemudian saya menggunakan kain batik. Setelah itu saya mulai melengkapi pakaian crossdressing saya dengan blus tradisional Jawa yang disebut kebaya. Waktu itu saya selalu mengakhiri crossdressing saya dengan masturbasi dan saya merasa sama dengan teman saya seperti dalam postingnya. Rasa bersalah, malu, jijik, dan merasa kotor datang setelah crossdressing dan menjadi seorang pria dengan wajah aneh dengan gaun wanita.
Tapi setelah saya menyempurnakan crossdressing saya dengan make up yang terdiri dari bedak, lipstik, bulu mata palsu, pensil alis, maskara, eye shadow dan wig. Saya merasa berbeda. Saya tidak merasa malu, jijik, dan merasa kotor setelah crossdressing dan tidak menjadi seorang pria dengan wajah aneh dengan gaun wanita. Kadang-kadang saya bahkan tidak membersihkan make up saya setelah saya selesai crossdressing, tapi saya hanya berganti pakaian dengan pakaian normal laki-laki saya. Pada saat itu kadang-kadang saya masih melihat diri saya di cermin dan merasa bahwa saya masih terlihat seperti seorang gadis atau wanita. Kadang-kadang saya merasa enggan untuk membersihkan make up saya. Saya ingin menikmati wajah saya sebagai gadis di cermin selama itu mungkin setelah masturbasi. Jadi saya biarkan riasan saya memudar dan hampir hilang, baru saya bersihkan sisanya.
This article is written in 2 languages : English and Indonesian. Artikel ini ditulis dalam 2 bahasa : Inggris dan Indonesia.
English
She is a famous chef from Indonesia. She has her own show on tv called "Ala Chef". This show even broadcasted on Asian Food Channel ( AFC ). For you know, a famous chef in Indonesia is almost like a celebrity like a film star or a singer. She is lucky. Beside she is a good cook, her face and her body is very beautiful and can be said sexy. Her breasts are huge.
Some days ago Chef Farah Quinn was reprimanded by the Indonesian Broadcasting Commission (KPI) for the show, Ala Chef because considered wearing clothes that stand out so it seemed to show her breasts. However, Farah is emphatically denied and admitted that the clothing used was ordinary clothes. ( Yahoo )
In my opinion, it was all coincidentally. First, her breasts are huge. Second, because she cooked in tropical country so she wasn't wrong if she wore a dress that makes her comfortable from the humid and warm weather. A dress which not too closed, but with low and wide opening. Third, because the show was cooking show so the camera must shoot her from close up distance and from the height that was about her breasts. So the recipes that cooked by her can be seen clearly by the audience.
Indonesia
Dia adalah seorang koki terkenal dari Indonesia. Dia memiliki acara sendiri di tv yang bernama "Ala Chef". Acara ini bahkan disiarkan di Asian Food Channel (AFC). Untuk anda ketahui, seorang koki terkenal di Indonesia hampir seperti selebriti seperti bintang film atau penyanyi. Dia beruntung. Selain pintar memasak, wajah dan tubuhnya sangat indah dan bisa dikatakan seksi. Payudaranya sangat besar.
Beberapa hari yang lalu Chef Farah Quinn ditegur oleh Komisi Penyiaran Indonesia (KPI) untuk acaranya, Ala Chef karena dianggap mengenakan pakaian yang menonjol sehingga terkesan memperlihatkan payudaranya. Namun, Farah dengan tegas membantah dan mengakui bahwa pakaian yang digunakan adalah pakaian biasa. ( Yahoo )
Menurut pendapat saya, itu semua kebetulan. Pertama, payudaranya sangat besar. Kedua, karena dia dimasak di negara tropis sehingga dia tidak salah jika ia mengenakan gaun yang membuatnya nyaman dari cuaca lembab dan hangat. Gaun yang tidak terlalu tertutup, tetapi dengan bukaan rendah dan lebar. Ketiga, karena acara itu acara memasak sehingga kamera harus menembak dia dari jarak close up dan dari ketinggian sekitar payudaranya. Supaya resep yang dimasak oleh dia bisa terlihat jelas oleh penonton.
"Mas que Nada" is a song written and originally performed by Jorge Ben in his first album, "Samba Esquema Novo" (1963), which in a later cover version became the signature song of Sérgio Mendes. ( Wikipedia )
In reality, it's a very hot samba. But I don't know why then it becomes the background of Nike football advertisement video and becomes the background of Brazilian football. The only plausible reason is because samba comes from Brazil.
For you know, I like to watch football ( sometimes said as soccer ) since I was a kid. And Brazil is one of my favourite teams. Every time World Cup happened, I can be said always watch it on tv. I still remember the first World Cup that I watched on tv is World Cup 1974 in West Germany.
Until now I still like to watch football on tv, at least I still follow the news, scores of games and rumours about it everyday on tv. I also like the league competition in certain countries in Europe. Italy, England and Spain. In England, my favourite team is Manchester United. But I also like Chelsea and Liverpool. In Italy, I like AS Roma and SS Lazio. In Spain, I like Real Madrid and Barcelona.
I also follow the news of UEFA Champions League. Too bad, this season the English teams seem not so lucky.
And last but not least is the racial issue between Luis Suarez from Liverpool and Patrice Evra from Manchester United. I saw that Luis Suarez refused to shake hands with Patrice Evra. I don't know who is wrong, but for the sportmanship I hope this problem will be over soon. Just like the motto of UEFA "My Game Is Fair Play" or "football against racism"
I write this article in 2 languages : English and Indonesian. Saya menulis artikel ini dalam 2 bahasa : Inggris dan Indonesia.
Bahasa Indonesia.
Wig adalah rambut palsu yang dipasang di kepala. Biasanya dipakai untuk menutupi kekurangan rambut kita. Seperti tipis atau botak. Ini terutama ditujukan untuk para wanita. Atau seeorang yang ingin terlihat seperti seorang wanita. Ini biasanya berhubungan dengan crossdresser, ladyboy, shemale, sissy dan transvestise. Termasuk saya.
Di Jawa, ada wig khusus yang dipakai oleh wanita Jawa waktu mereka memakai busana tradisional. Namanya sanggul atau konde. Karena sejak pertama kali saya melakukan crossdressing, saya selalu memakai busana tradisional Jawa, maka saya membeli sebuah sanggul. Waktu itu saya membelinya tanpa mempertimbangkan bentuk muka saya.
Sanggul dipasang dibelakang kepala kita. Pertama, kita harus punya rambut yang cukup panjang untuk dapat diikat, setelah itu kita tempatkan sanggul kita dan tempelkan ke rambut dengan jepit rambut. Kita harus meletakkan jepit rambut sedekat mungkin pada ekor rambut kita dari empat arah. Dari atas, bawah, kiri dan kanan. Kita juga menempatkan jepit rambut lain setinggi kira-kira telinga kita. Gunakan jepit rambut cukup banyak supaya sanggul dapat kokoh menempel di belakang kepala kita.
Apa yang saya terangkan diatas adalah apa yang saya pelajari secara otodidak dan berhasil. Saya tidak tahu apakah prosedurnya salah atau kurang tepat.
Tahun kemarin saya mulai memakai pakaian wanita modern, jadi saya tidak memakai sanggul.
Dibawah ini ada beberapa link yang berhubungan dengan cara memilih wig yang cocok dengan bentuk wajah kita.
English.
A wig is a fake hair that placed on head. It usually used to cover our hair shortfall. Such as thin or bald. This is primarily intended for women. Or someone who wants to look alike a woman. This usually related to crossdresser, ladyboy, shemale, sissy and transvestise. Including me.
In Java, there is a special wig that used by Javanese women when they wear traditional custom. It is called "sanggul" or "konde". It's almost like a bun. Because since the first time I did crossdressing I always use Javanese traditional custom, so I bought a bun. That time I bought it without considering the form of my face.
It mounted on the back of our head. First, we should have long hair enough for tied up, after that we place our bun and stick it to the hair with hairpins. We should put the hairpins as close as possible to the tail of our hair in four directions. From above, below, left and from right. We also put other hairpins as high about our ears. Use many hairpins so the bun can stays firm in the back of our head.
What I explain above is what I learn by myself. I just try it and it works. I don't know if this procedure is wrong or not exactly right.
Last year I started to wear modern dress, so I don't use the bun when I am wearing modern dress.
Hair is the crown, especially for women. Unfortunately since I was a kid, my hair was not so thick and wavy, but thin and straight. I feel so unlucky about this and that time I was so jealous with the other who have thick and wavy hair. But like a woman I pay attention to my hair since I was a kid. This is my story.
I remember when I was in elementary school, I was a fan of The Beatles. Because they had their hair with bangs in the front, so was I. And I often keep my hair long enough to reach my shoulder. After that my late mother often told me to cut my hair. And I reluctantly obeyed her will. After I cut my hair, I became a little sad about my hair.
When I was in junior high school, my hair tend to reddish. People say maize hair . Until one of my friend said that I looked alike a Caucasian. But over time, my hair became black again.
When I was in college, because I grew my hair too long, my late mother insisted and escorted me to the salon for hair frizz. It was once in my lifetime until now. My feeling about my new hair look was a little glad.
Beside my tendency to lengthen my hair, sometimes I also cut my hair short like a crew cut. I like to let my hair long, after that I cut my hair short like a crew cut. I have no idea that this way I can save my money for a haircut. It happens coincidentally.
I have funny story about this. When I have long hair, some of my friends said that I look alike a famous Indonesian singer. ( I don't want to mention whose they mean ). And when I have a short hair, they also said that I look alike a different famous Indonesian singer. ( I don't want to mention whose they mean either ).
Even when I have a crew cut hair, they said that I look alike some stars. I don't mind to mention it. One said that I look alike Billy Idol, the other said that I look alike Sting and Mac Gyver. My late aunt had her own opinion about my crew cut hair, she said that my hair looks alike a deciduous forest. Forests where a majority of the trees lose their foliage at the end of the typical growing season ( Wikipedia ) But that happened many years ago.
Now I think my hair is beginning to go bald and thin. So I am trying to take care of my hair with diligent.
Artikel ini saya tulis dalam 2 bahasa. Inggeris dan Indonesia. I write this article in 2 languages. English and Indonesian.
Some time ago I idly searched at the Youtube video of this song. And it was there. The video attracts me, because the title is "The Model" but it contains android or robot beside some models too and the second is the music itself, it was techno. And so I begin to think how to insert it in my posting. Until today I got an idea.
I became a crossdresser since I was a kid. And from the beginning, the woman dress that I wear is always a Javanese traditional custom called kain kebaya. The blouse that called kebaya usually is a tight blouse and the skirt is originally a cloth that wrapped around the legs tightly to shape up our body. Lately, the skirt is modified, not a cloth with a pleat in the front anymore, but it was been sewn into a skirt that is used by entering it from our feet and raised to our body. So we don't need to wear it by wrapping it around our legs so tightly and arrange it so the end with a pleat can fall in front to the right a bit. But I like the original version of the skirt that is still a cloth with pleats at the end. I began to wear mini skirt and other modern dress just about last year.
With that Javanese traditional dress in my opinion I do not need a lot of style, except try to act slow in any activities. When standing, walking, sitting and so on. Because Javanese aristocrate woman in my observation is always acting slow to gain an impression of graceful, elegance and dignity.
Yes, I need to act like a woman and I must study about woman gesture. I must study how a Javanese woman especially an aristocrate Javanese woman acts when she is wearing traditional custom. Always be slow and careful when doing anything. Even there's a risk to fall when we walk with such tight dress.
But in my opinion it's easier than when I wear a mini skirt or any modern dress. Because our steps are not hindered by our long narrow skirt and so we have to arrange it. How wide we must step. How we have to shake our hips to get rhytmic. How is the position of our hands when we walk. How is the position of our legs and hands when we stand and so on. There are also many alternatives of style that we can choose. Understated, elegant, graceful, flirtatious, vivacious, mischievous, spirited, sporty, sloppy and so on. Maybe my opinion is wrong, because I was more familiar with Javanese traditional custom since I began doing crossdressing.
Not to mention how we must learn to act like the model when we are about to be taken our picture. How we must arrange our face, our smile, our body language. My favourite poses are kissing bye and praying hands.
Bahasa Indonesia.
Beberapa waktu lalu saya iseng-iseng mencari di Youtube video dari lagu ini. Dan itu ada di sana. Video itu menarik saya, karena judulnya adalah "Model" tapi berisi android atau robot di samping beberapa model juga dan yang kedua adalah musiknya sendiri, yang adalah techno. Maka, saya mulai berpikir bagaimana untuk memasukkannya di posting saya. Sampai hari ini akhirnya saya mendapat ide.
Saya menjadi crossdresser sejak saya masih kecil. Dan dari awal, gaun wanita yang selalu saya pakai adalah busana adat tradisional Jawa yang disebut kain kebaya. Blus yang disebut kebaya biasanya adalah blus ketat dan bawahannya aslinya adalah sebuah kain yang melilit kaki ketat untuk membentuk tubuh kita. Tapi akhir-akhir ini, sudah berubah, bukan kain dengan wiru di bagian depan lagi, tapi telah dijahit menjadi rok yang digunakan dengan memasukkannya dari kaki kita dan dinaikkan ke tubuh kita. Jadi kita tidak perlu memakainya dengan melingkarkannya sekitar kaki kita begitu erat dan mengaturnya sehingga akhir dengan wiru bisa jatuh di depan sedikit ke kanan. Tapi saya suka versi asli bawahan yang masih kain dengan lipatan di akhir. Saya mulai memakai rok mini dan gaun modern lainnya hanya sekitar satu tahun lalu.
Dengan pakaian tradisional Jawa menurut saya, saya tidak perlu banyak gaya, kecuali mencoba untuk bertindak lambat dalam setiap kegiatan. Ketika berdiri, berjalan, duduk dan sebagainya. Karena perempuan ningrat Jawa dalam pengamatan saya selalu bertindak lambat untuk mendapatkan kesan anggun, elegan dan berwibawa.
Ya, saya harus bertindak seperti seorang wanita dan saya harus mempelajari tentang gerakan perempuan. Saya harus mempelajari bagaimana seorang perempuan Jawa terutama seorang wanita Jawa ningrat bertindak saat dia memakai busana adat tradisional. Selalu lambat dan hati-hati ketika melakukan sesuatu. Bahkan ada risiko jatuh saat kita berjalan dengan bawahan seketat itu.
Tapi menurut saya itu lebih mudah daripada ketika saya mengenakan rok mini atau gaun modern. Karena langkah kita tidak terhalang oleh bawahan panjang yang sempit, jadi kita harus mengaturnya. Seberapa lebar kita harus melangkah. Bagaimana kita harus menggoyang pinggul kita supaya berirama. Bagaimana posisi tangan kita ketika kita berjalan. Bagaimana posisi kaki dan tangan saat kita berdiri dan sebagainya.Ada juga alternatif banyak gaya yang bisa kita pilih. Bersahaja, elegan, anggun, genit, lincah, nakal, bersemangat, sporty, urakan dan sebagainya. Mungkin pendapat saya salah, karena saya lebih akrab dengan busana adat tradisional Jawa sejak saya mulai melakukan crossdressing.
Belum lagi bagaimana kita harus belajar untuk bertindak seperti model ketika kita hendak diambil gambarnya. Bagaimana kita harus mengatur wajah kita, senyum kita, bahasa tubuh kita. Pose favorit saya adalah kiss bye dan posisi tangan berdoa.
Beside the horrible dreams that I had, like I wrote in my posting titled "Welcome to my nightmare" I also had sweet dreams several times. Usually I dreamed it when I sleep normally with my man clothing. I sleep well and tight when my sweet dream occured and the next morning I usually woke up with fresh. The dreams looked like almost similar. A very attractive and sexy girl with beautiful body and face suddenly came to me. I didn't know who she was. She tried to seduce me. She held and caressed me for a very short while. Then suddenly she went away. I didn't know what to do from her arrival until she was gone. I could only keep silent, confused, stunned, amazed and tense but glad.
Those dreams happened at least 3 times. Is it a sign that I am a sissy? Not dare to begin an intimate relationship with woman except keep waiting ? I don't know. Until now I still curious about that dreams. I have a hope that it will happen to me in the real world. But in reality, it becomes the other way around. I become that girl at least in the virtual world. Attracting others with the gender of my own or my opposite gender.
Today I read a posting from my friend titled Healing Doesn’t Mean No More Temptations. It answered my question in my earlier posting. It says for some people who want to quit from their crossdressing, the miracles if it can be said so happen to them. They can quit. But for the others, the miracles don't happen, desires for crossdressing and temptations will only gradually lessen.
In reality, we are only human. And to err is human to forgive divine. Even when Paul appealed to the Lord to remove the thorn that was given to him in his flesh, the Lord said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ( 2 Corinthians 12:9 )
Maybe if we compare it with the world of health, we look alike an outpatient and must take medication every day until the end of our life. We must deal with medicine and disease in our whole life.
I am closer to believing than I ever was before
On the crest of this elation must I crash upon the shore
And with the driftwood of acquaintance
Light the fire to love once more I am wind blown...i am times.
To be closer to believing To be just a breath away
On the death of inspiration I would buy back yesterday
But there's no crueller illusion There's no sharper coin to pay
As I reach out... it slips away
From the opium of custom to the ledges of extremes
Don't believe it till you've held it Life is seldom what it seems
But lay your heart upon the table And in the shuffling of dreams
Remember who on earth you are
I need me You need you We want us
But of course you know I love you Or what else am I here for
Only you not face to face But side by side for evermore
And I need to be here with you For without you what am i
Just another fool out searching For some heaven in the sky
Take me closer to believing Take me forward lead me on
Through collision and confusion While there's life beneath the sun
You are the reason I continue So near for so long
So close yet so far away
I need me You need you We want us to live forever
So don't let the curtain fall Measure after measure
Of writing on the wall That burns so brightly
It blinds us all
I need me You need you We want us to be together
On sundays in the rain Closer than forever
Against or with the grain To ride the storms of love again
So be closer to believing Though your world is torn apart
For a moment changes all things And to end is but to start
And if your journey's unrewarded May your God lift up your heart
You are windblown But you are mine
It can not be denied. We like it or not. As long as we still live in this mortal world. We have to go shopping to fulfil what we need, especially material things. On the contrary we also need money to meet our daily needs. So, here I am trying to open and run my own online shop in collaboration with Amazon. So maybe we can establish a mutual relationship. You, my dear blog visitors as my consumers and buyers. Me as the seller and your supplier.
Here is the link : http://astore.amazon.com/priajelitawor-20
So let me say once again. Happy shopping. Hopefuly you get what you are looking for. Shopping wisely. Buy only what you really need, except you have a lot of money until excessive.
Some people says that crossdressing is a deviant behaviour and it can be cured. Start with making confession to family member or our spouse. After that our desire and lust to do crossdressing can become more weak.
But in my opinion, it only applies in general. Because I have some crossdresser friends whose wife know about his habit and ignore or even support it. And I also have a crossdresser friend who confessed his habit to his parents, but it didn't end up well.
In my own case, I've been doing this for many years. Although my desire and lust is not so strong as the passed years, but I still do it anyway. I can't get rid off it. Yes, when I was in college I ever stop doing this for several months or maybe a year or more. But it still comes back anyway.
For me, this habit looks alike an ill that comes and goes several times in our life although we already visit a doctor to consult it and take medicine to cure it. Yes, we cured from that ill and we are healthy. But next time maybe next year that ill comes back again and attack our bodies. Just like a seasonal disease, influenza that comes and goes in our life. The difference between sick and that habit is I don't feel miserable or pain about it.
It's very difficult to cure. So someone if you know, please show me the way in the light to heal me from that habit once and for good. The light that lighten my life and find a straight way.
