Love in the first degree

A few days ago I read an article that says guilt is an achievement, a gift from God to help us fix our mistakes or sins. It makes sense and I agree.  But we must be careful to  distinguish whether the guilt  comes from evil or from  the Lord. I read in another article, guilt that comes from evil only takes us to a deeper grief and may ends up with  a suicide. Otherwise, guilt that comes from the Lord can takes us to repentance.

Like the story of Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus and ends his own life with suicide, because the guilt that comes from evil. While Peter who denied Jesus but eventually repent, because the guilt that comes from the Lord.

What about crossdressing ? Some say it is a sinful activity, the other say no. Me myself confused about that.  I love crossdressing. Love in the first degree. That means I deliberately and plans to do crossdressing. But I'm still afraid of  God too.  So, here Iam deep in  confusion to decide  if it is a sinful behaviour or not ? And still trying to distinguish whether the guilt  comes from evil or from  the Lord.

3 macan dan 1 pisang

Apa yang anda bayangkan jika saya berkata "macan" atau lebih spesfik lagi "macan betina" ? Hewan carnivora yang buas ? atau cewek cantik yang sexy dan hot ? Terus apa yang bakal  anda bayangkan jika saya berkata "pisang" ? Buah sehat dan lezat bagi yang suka ? Buah yang menjijikkan bagi yang tidak suka pisang ? Atau pisang dalam konotasi yang lain lagi ?.

Apa yang anda bayangkan jika saya berkata "macan betinanya punya pisang" ? Kalau anda seseorang yang berpikiran lurus dan jernih tentu akan bingung. Masakan  macan hewan carnivora bisa punya pisang ? Kalau monyet punya pisang baru masuk akal. Tapi kalau libido sex anda sedang kuat, maka anda tentu  punya bayangan lain tentang kata-kata saya itu. Macan betina bisa diartikan sebagai cewek cantik yang hot dan sexy. Pisang, anda tahu sendiri bisa diartikan sebagai apa dalam konteks ini.  Kalau macan betina bisa punya pisang ? Anda bisa atau pasti menduga kalau  dia waria, shemale atau ladyboy.

Dan itulah yang terjadi beberapa hari kemarin.  Setelah malamnya saya nonton acara "Buaya Show" di Indosiar dengan host Uya Kuya dan bintang tamunya antara lain  Trio Macan.  Di acara itu ada game dimana para bintang tamu harus memasukkan 3 jeruk yang diletakkan di lantai ke dalam hulahop yang juga diletakkan di lantai dengan menggunakan pisang yang digantungkan dengan tali ke pinggang para bintang tamu. Jadi mirip lomba memasukkan pensil / ballpoint ke dalam botol yang sering diadakan waktu 17an. Cuma bedanya pensil diganti dengan pisang dan digantungkan didepan tidak dibelakang dan botolnya diganti dengan hulahop yang diletakkan di lantai.

Esoknya saya update status di dinding grup saya di fb yang isinya bombastis mengatakan kalau Trio Macan itu ternyata shemale. Maka tanggapan-tanggapan yang masuk pun serius-serius. Bahkan ada yang mau menyelidiki Trio Macan.

Cuma seorang teman yang kebetulan lihat acara itu  tahu keadaan sebenarnya dan berkomentar. Dan sayapun berkomentar yang sebenarnya serta bilang padahal yang lain sudah pada mikir serius penasaran antara percaya dan tidak . Ternyata cuma plesetan. Pisangnya betul-betul buah pisang, bukan pisang dalam konotasi yang lain. Cuma sayang videonya belum ada di Youtube.

Buat teman-teman yang sudah kemakan issue ini saya minta maaf yang sedalam-dalamnya.

Weekend without crossdressing

Yesterday, it was Sunday. A holiday to me. But I didn't feel too excited. Beside my health was not too good, weather factors also tend to hot and humid. So I just spent it with relaxed. Enjoyed the  atmosphere.  There was a desire to do crossdressing as usual. But I thought about it again and said to myself, my health was not very good and the weather was hot and humid too. If  I  did it too, I could be sick because too tired doing crossdressing and taking pictures of myself, beside of the lust itself. Also high heels that I wore. Not to mention the weather itself. Made us easy to get sweat.

Finally I decided not to do it. As the compensation, I took alook  and edited my crossdressing photos in my computer, browsing internet, visited my own blog and a social network site.  Thanks (  to whom ? ),  my lust was not volatile until evening comes and I go to sleep. It was a holiday that passed without crossdressing. This is very rarely happens to me. It happened last time almost about six months ago.

Nobody's fault but mine

Today I read an article about whether gay couples can adopt children or not. The  article seems to make sense. It says that it can cause anxiety when the child imitate the behavior of the parents who deviate. Otherwise, another opinion says that  the child after developing adult will have his own way  and act with its own personality. The influences don't come only from the parent, but also from the neighbourhood and school.
Introspection on myself, my parents are normal people. But I grew to like this. Then, whose fault is this? Nobody's fault but mine, I guess.

Paint it black

My life as a crossdresser seem so  hard,  especially when it comes to life couple. Wanna choose a woman, but me myself is also look like a woman. Not many woman would want with me. Wanna choose a man, I'm not sure yet. My world seem to become dark, seem to become painted black.

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens every day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and must have it painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin' sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I wanna see it tainted, tainted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it tainted, tainted, tainted, tainted black

The road to Babylon

Today as usual I log into Wordpress to see and evaluate my blog. Also to visit another wordpress blog and search another  similar blog to mine. Read interesting postings. And if possible,  leave comments for them too.

But today I read unusual posting about crossdressing. It says that crossdressing beside not funny, it is a sinful activity. The article seems to remind me of my beliefs that God only creates man and woman. No transgender between them.  Man dressed up like a woman is a sin according to my beliefs. I am interested in the article, because it is not patronizing. The author of  the article itself is also still  struggling against his crossdressing habits. A lifetime struggling maybe.  Against his own lusts.

Well I look like in the middle of crossroad now.  Wanna go follow my beliefs or my lusts. So I leave comment that begging him to pray for me so I can quit from my sinful behaviour and begging God to forgive me also begging God to bless him.

In my beliefs, it's like the story of a nation that elected but banished to exile in Babylon because of their sins. ( Psalm 137 ) . Once again I am begging " God,  please forgive me".

Evil ways

She's a rainbow

She comes in colors ev'rywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
everywhere
She comes in colors
She comes in colors ev'rywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors
Have you seen her dressed in blue?
See the sky in front of you
And her face is like a sail
Speck of white so fair and pale
Have you seen a lady fairer?
She comes in colors ev'rywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
everywhere
She comes in colors
Have you seen her all in gold?
Like a queen in days of old
She shoots colors all around
Like a sunset going down
Have you seen a lady fairer?
She comes in colors ev'rywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors
She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

Questions

I have some questions. I like to dress like a woman do with shoes, accessories, wig and makeup too.  I even try to act like a woman also. But I still love woman.  Am I a crossdresser ? But I also like to be treated like a woman. One of my friend thought that I am a ladyboy. The other said that I am a shemale. Who am I actually ?   Bisexual,  tranny ? Please answer me. Don't answer my questions with questions like this song in video below.

welcome to the jungle

The hunter gets captured by the game

Sempurna

 Sempurna, Indonesia ke semi final. Begitulah judul berita hari ini di Yahoo. Sementara Sport7 Pagi menampilkan footer video yang berjudul "Mematuk gajah putih, garuda muda ke semi final".

Satu kata itulah yang kiranya tepat ditujukan untuk timnas U23 kita. Tiga kali menang berturut-turut di tiga laga awal SEA Games. Setelah terakhir mengalahkan Thailand dengan skor 3-1, sekarang garuda muda melangkah ke semifinal dengan nilai sempurna. Bravo untuk para garuda muda kita.
Kiranya ini bisa menjadi inspirasi dan pendongkrak semangat bagi para senior dan pelatihnya.

Good start is half done

 

Awal yang baik sama dengan setengah selesai. Kerja yang bagus timnas U23 kita. Dua kali menang di dua laga awal SEA Games. 6-0 lawan Kamboja dan 2-0 lawan Singapura. Tantangan berikutnya adalah melawan Thailand. Bagaimana rekan-rekan ? Maju terus, pantang mundur

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Beware ! you can get hurt when you're crossdressing

Look at this video. And be careful when crossdressing while cooking, you can have an accident. Or should I say "please don't try this at home, because it requires special skills and expertise". Please don't laugh over the suffering of others. Just enjoy the video. Even a movie star like Robin Williams can have an accident. Her ( or his )  breast ( or chest ) almost get burned. Her ( or his) blouse get burned too. I feel so sorry for him ( or her). Please be more  careful next time and never give up to try this again.

Kebaya panjang dengan kain parang 2

Hubungan pendek atau korsleting

Hubungan pendek atau korsleting (dari bahasa Belanda kortsluiting) adalah suatu hubungan dengan tahanan listrik yang sangat kecil, mengakibatkan aliran listrik yang sangat besar dan bila tidak ditangani dapat mengakibatkan ledakan dan kebakaran.  ( wikipedia ) Kemungkinan yang paling tidak berbahaya untuk keadaan ini adalah listrik menjadi mati. Hubungan menjadi putus.

Kemarin saya mendapat teman  facebook cewek dari luar negeri.  Dia lebih dahulu meminta saya menjadi temannya.  Setelah  membaca sepintas informasinya, saya tahu kalau dia adalah teman dari teman saya dan  seorang lesbian.  Sayapun mengkonfirmasi permintaan pertemanannya.

Kamipun mulai chatting. Dimulai dari hal-hal yang umum dulu. Tapi tidak begitu lama, pertanyaan-pertanyaannya mulai menjurus. Pertanyaan-pertanyaan meluncur begitu cepat seperti seorang polisi sedang menginterogasi tersangka. Dimulai dengan bertanya apakah saya seorang pria atau wanita dan saya jawab sejujurnya. Ia bertanya apakah saya punya payudara. Apakah saya suka sex dan kemudian mengajak main webcam, tapi saya tolak. Lalu ia bertanya apakah saya mempunyai foto dalam keadaan bugil, saya jawab adanya dengan pakaian dalam. Sayapun memberinya link. Ia bertanya lagi apakah adik saya besar, tapi saya jawab adik saya tidak begitu besar. Dia terus bertanya apakah saya sering masturbasi dan menonton film begituan.

Setelah saya jawab, saya tanya balik bagaimana dengan kamu ? Tiba-tiba ada peringatan dari facebook kalau saya tidak mempunyai ijin untuk mengirimkan pesan kepada yang bersangkutan.  Setelah kaget dan berpikir sejenak, saya segera tahu kalau ia memblok saya. Mungkin saya tidak seperti tipe yang diinginkannya. Atau jangan-jangan saya hanya dijadikan obyek sex sekali pakainya.

Sayapun menarik kesimpulan kalau  telah terjadi hubungan pendek, korsleting  dan kamipun putus hubungan. Mungkin  pertahanan kami terlalu lemah sehingga menyebabkan aliran hawa nafsu yang terlalu besar.  Untungnya hubungan kami cuma terputus tidak sampai meledak atau terbakar.

Joga Bonita

Joga Bonita : "Play Beautiful"

Jogo bonito :
The concept of returning soccer to its high and honorable state. To remove cheaters, hackers, and divers. To play with honor, pride, respect, strength, and as a team. Two simple words that on literal translation mean "play pretty", but are left for each and every soccer player to define it with their own style
http://www.urbandictionary.com

Masih kuning apa sudah kuning ?

Pertanyaan itu jika diajukan untuk lampu lalu lintas dapat mengundang dilema. Karena lampu kuning merupakan peralihan dari lampu hijau ke lampu merah. Kalau menurut peraturan lalu lintas, lampu kuning adalah persiapan untuk berhenti. Tapi orang awam apalagi kalau waktu terburu-buru, lampu kuning merupakan kesempatan dalam kesempitan. Mumpung masih kuning, belum merah berarti masih boleh jalan terus.